Beach Boy’s Letter

Serena

I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s been almost a year since I washed up on your beach and I can’t stop thinking about it, about you. I’ve gone to therapy, been hypnotized, I have tried every trick and gimmick I know. Evidently, it hasn’t worked. I still can’t shake this longing, this desperation. My therapist told me something about grief, said what I’m experiencing is similar to missing a dead friend or a first love. I don’t really think it applies, but at this point, I’ve tried everything else.

I miss you, but I don’t know if I should. You were so kind and the beach was so nice. Being there was so confusing, but then you made it all so peaceful. Your touch was freeing and your gaze gave me warmth. But Serena, I don’t even know if that place was real. I don’t even know if you were real. Every day your face becomes less clear. I try to think about the water washing over my body, remember the feel of your hand, but it’s all so vague. There’s this feeling though, something loud telling me that I can go back, that I have to go back. I’ve been to countless beaches, Serena. I’ve laid in the sand, sat on the rocks, smelled the salt in the air. I retraced every step but it was never the same, never your beach. Or maybe it wasn’t the same because of your absence. Either way, I think I’m finally starting to wake up. After all this fruitless wandering, I can feel myself crashing back toward reality, and now I think I just have to let myself fall.

I’m writing this on a beach in France, looking out at the Atlantic while the sun creeps below the water. I managed to find an old wine bottle to put this letter in. You don’t really have an address, so here’s hoping this finds its way to you. I put your seashell in the bottle too, out of necessity. It’s made a lovely necklace, but all it does is remind me of you. I realize now that if I spend all my energy trying to get back to you, I’ll never really get anywhere. If you’re out there, and our time together was real, then I hope you’re doing ok. Hopefully, someday I can wash up on your shore again.

Forever yours

-Beach Boy

P.S, I couldn’t find any ocean jelly, but I have started moisturizing and it has made all the difference.