Thurs 12th

The sea is black. The sky is cracked. The forests are charred. The Earth is gone. It’s Thursday the twelfth, and we’re all going to die. 

As Sophie drove and Sam looked out the window, they were both painfully aware that everything that crossed their eyes crossed them for the last time. The tree lines were terminal. Hacking and coughing. Their frail green fingers reached out, clinging to the life that was quickly leaving them.

Sam looked down at his feet. He was stepping on a musty IU tee.
“Go Hoosiers,” he muttered to himself.

 He wondered how his dorm room was doing. Had his fridge been raided? Did his Kill Bill poster still stick to the wall? Was his bed still made and tidy? Or had the whole thing gone up in smoke already? The carpet reduced to ash, the walls in a thousand pieces, the wires smoldering as the car rounded a curve.

“I’m hungry,” Sophie said as if she had accidentally vocalized a thought. Driving had always been a comfort for her. Navigating expressways and exploring backroads was a joy she never took for granted. If she wanted to relax, all she had to do was put an engine in front of her and yellow lines behind her. Though after a few hundred miles across America, she still couldn’t evict the doom festering in her stomach. Maybe it was time for a new tactic.

“You’ve got the wheel. Stop off wherever,” Sam said with casual indifference. After a few miles, she made a crooked parking job in front of a rest stop. They got out quietly and approached the building. No wrecked cars or blood stains surrounded the building. No bodies or any signs of panic. The only marking of decay was the building's caved-in roof and some letters that had from its sign.

With a quick glance and a lack of context, you’d believe that everyone in town had simply left of their own accord. But as Sam walked, he listened to the ever-growing silence and knew better. 

The sign across the entrance read “T AV L EN R”. Sophie was amused by how close this was to the word “tavern”. Nearby, two squirrels were crawling up a gas pump. The birds that had nested atop the building were startled by the unfamiliar sound of footsteps and escaped to a nearby tree. Though firmly planted on the gas price sign was a murder of crows, silently watching the two wander. Sophie noticed them from the corner of her eye and stopped Sam so that he could see too.

“I think we’re supposed to kiss,” Sam said as he looked into the eyes of one of the birds. Sophie left him to ogle, going on to the rest stop entrance.

“That’s nine,” Sophie corrected, hesitating for a moment at the once automatic door. She reached out and pushed the two halves back. To her surprise, they were light. Sam noticed she had moved, and broke his eye contact with the crow.

“You sure?” As he stepped inside, he met the stench of rot. He looked around, but could not place it.

“Eight for a wish, nine for a kiss,” she recited.

“Well,” Sam looked back, “There’s three up there. What does that mean?” Something in her back tensed, making her immobile. Cold sweat bubbled to the surface, her fears manifesting in a thick clammy film. Sam went ahead, not concerned with her answer.

“A murder, just for me,” Sophie muttered to herself. She gave a breathy laugh, trying to see the humor in it. Sadly, dark omens rarely amused those who received them. As she pushed past her fear, Sophie looked frantically for Cosmic Brownies, another reliable comfort.

“Hey! They have those pretzels you like,” she told Sam after her pockets were stuffed. He came to her, to see what she was talking about.

“Look, the honey mustard things you like,” she repeated. He picked up the bag. They were not expired.

“These things always hurt my teeth,” Sam commented, rubbing his jaw as if he’d already had one. They went in his hoodie pocket all the same. The two continued to peruse the shelves, letting whims decide their last supper. Shopping was like entering a trance. Hunching over to look at a hundred different objects, trying to determine what was too expensive and what couldn’t wait. It was

therapeutic in its familiarity, Sam found. He stopped in front of a freezer and chuckled as he caught his reflection.

“Laughing at a time like this?” Sophie mocked as she walked up to him.

“I just think it’s funny, us shopping. Shifting through drinks and candy as if nothing was happening,” he explained as he forced the smile to stay on his face.

“Well, we aren’t shopping. I don’t know about you, but I’m not paying for this stuff. We are officially looters, which is exactly what one becomes during times of crisis,” she remarked.

“Yeah, I guess. But we’re acting like we’re shopping. I don’t know, I just thought it was funny.”

“It was. Don’t worry.” Sophie went to the slushie machine and filled the biggest cup they had. Sam imagined all the mundane things that had been lost. Counting sheets of paper towel, microwaving food, checking his watch. It’s incredible how many things he found to be irrelevant and how quickly they stacked one on top of another. As he stripped the fat from life, Sophie waved a hand in front of his face.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked with a baffled concern.

“Dryer sheets.” Sophie started to say something, then thought better of it.

After a few more minutes of browsing, they left the store and returned to the car. A tear was shed by the cash register, who was expecting his own last meal. They threw their snacks in the console and set their drinks in the cupholder.

“You think maybe we could linger for a moment?” Sam asked as he looked back at the building.

“For what?” Sophie asked as her seatbelt clicked into place.

“Just… because. This is a nice rest stop, it deserves some appreciation. I think at least.”

“Well, feel free to take it all in. No guarantee I won’t speed off before you can snap a picture,” she told him. Sam shook his head.

“You’re so heartless.” he yanked on the seatbelt, but it was stuck.

“Sam I just… I don’t wanna stay here. We’ll see other stuff, I promise.” As she started the car, Sophie looked back at the crows. Two of them flew away, leaving one lone bird.

“I could have told you that,” she muttered as they left the rest stop behind.

———

Oregon, they had decided two weeks before, was the perfect place to die. Its wide bends and foggy disposition were intimate, and isolation ran through its bones, making it private enough for the two of them to disappear in peace. Other states were contested: Montana, Nevada, Delaware. Nevada is all desert, no fun. Delaware is too small and inconsequential. Ultimately, they both wanted to be near water. So, there they were—losing themselves among thickets of washed-out green, and tasting soft humidity on their tongues.

“I’m not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado,” Sophie muttered to herself multiple times as they packed their small dorm room. Sam didn’t get the reference. Even though she had played that song a hundred times in their room. Put it on playlists for him. Recited the lyrics like fists on horse corpses. But he didn’t get the reference, and he never would.

“How are you doing this?” Sam asked as Sophie weaved around a few abandoned cars.

She snapped to attention. “Doing what?”

“Staying so calm. You’re too… together.”

“Too together? There’s no such thing as too together.”

“Yes there is,” he shot back,

“No there isn’t,” she replied calmly. 

“Well whatever you are, I don’t like it.” Sophie sighed and slowed down a bit.
“Look at my hands Sam.” he looked down at the wheel. Her fingers were trembling in all directions. As he watched her hands, he noticed her left leg had been bouncing up and down, like a convict awaiting trial. He began to imagine it had been doing so for longer than he had taken care to notice and felt guilt reprimand near his lungs.

“I’m just as scared as you. But what is there to do?” Sam looked back at his own hands, studying the lines and patterns. There was something beautiful in their intricacy, yet as far as he knew, the lines meant nothing. It was just texture and grip. He thought about this for a while, the beauty only he could perceive. Art conjured from nothing. 

“Maybe that’s the trick,” he thought, “Just focusing on what’s left.”

The coastal air came strong through the window. With the radio busted, there was nothing for them to do but think and talk. Throughout the ride they alternated between the two, throwing out topics until there was nothing to say, and saying nothing until the silence broke their spirits.

“Where are we going now?” Sam asked after a time.

“The beach. I’m hoping the sand will cheer us up a little.” Sophie smiled sarcastically, making Sam chuckle. 

Lacking any hard feelings about the beach, he let the conversation fade. Sam rolled down the window and stuck his head outside, taking in the force of speed. He had ridden an ATV once. It was fun, struggling against the wind, feeling the moisture from your eyes be blown away. It made him feel weak. It made him feel human. It made him feel alive.

“You ever had a pet?” Sophie asked, repressing every urge to make fun of him. He came back into the car.

“There was a rabbit that used to wander into our backyard. I would lay in the grass and feed him baby carrots. He uh, he got killed by a coyote before I could name him. What about you?”

“No never. I was supposed to get a kitten from a friend in a couple weeks. Clearly, that hasn’t panned out,” she told him as she reached down to scratch her leg.

“I wanted to name him something funny. Like Bulldozer or Save.”

“Bulldozer? Like, like a bulldozer?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. Cause you know, the company is called CAT. This... this makes perfect sense to me.”

“Yeah, I guess. What about Save?”

“Then their name will be Save the Cat,” Sophie explained, proud of her wit.

“I don’t get it,” Sam said, with a doe-like mist in his eyes.

“It’s a plotting device. You wouldn’t understand I guess.” Sam shrugged it off, though he was sure her idea was hilarious. As they rounded a curve, she muttered “C’mere Save” to herself, and thought of her fictional tabby cat with affection.

———

The clouds came with imposing thickness like a herd of buffalo claiming the sky. Sophie kept reaching to turn on her wipers, expecting rain. Off in the distance, she could hear the rumbling of thunder, but as they approached the shore, the rain refused to fall. Not yet.

“Sophie stop the car!”

“What, what's wrong?”

“Look! The beach!” Sophie hit the brakes. They rocked forward, then slammed back. She looked down at the coast, her head spinning with morbid possibilities. Lining the pale sand were rows of limp rubber corpses, all drenched in the darkest shade of crimson. On their faces was a final expression of strained anguish and pitiful sorrow.

“Oh Christ,” she muttered. Sophie threw her door open and stepped out onto the empty road. Sam followed suit, staying close as she walked down the sloping hillside to reach the beach.

The way down was long and daunting. Sam wanted anything but to see them up close, but he couldn’t separate from Sophie. There was the fear, rational or not he did not know, that if he turned away from her for too long, she would disappear. The Earth could swallow her up, or a gust of wind could carry her away, the perfect lightning bolt would turn her into a pile of ash, or a tree would fall and crush her to death. Somehow, without his gaze to protect her, she would vanish. In every deadly scenario, the darkest part of all was that he wouldn’t be able to give her a proper goodbye.

Curiosity had seized Sophie with an iron grip. The sight of dead animals disturbed her. Life so innocent being taken with no remorse, the cruel habits of nature. But to deny this mass grave her attention would be to deny them dignity. If she were ever a corpse in the road, or rotted in a field, she would want to be viewed. No closed caskets, no cremation. Her humanity would be acknowledged, and so would theirs. 

As she made her way to the sea, Sam tried to tame his nausea and was careful not to stray too far, despite the uneven terrain.

———

Black foam gargled onto the shore. The stench in the air was miserable, the odors of struggle and desperation clashing in a stale intercourse. Any other time, Sophie would take her shoes off, and let herself feel the warmth of the beach beneath her soles. But the sand there was solid and cold. Touching it would only make her feel stiff, as if she was already gone.

As the two came to the bottom of the hill, they stopped a few feet away. The ocean breeze wafted the stink into their noses. Any closer and they would have vomited.

“Poor things,” Sam muttered. His body was flooded with empathy, the excess pouring out of his eyes. This close, the bodies consumed his perspective. Their stillness against the dark sea was a tragedy. It was nearly inconceivable that these things could have been living creatures, but the pain on their faces was unmistakable. Suffering hadn’t escaped them. They lived free and died pathetic.

“Do you think this is how we’ll look? So… petrified? So sad?” Sophie asked, her hand over her mouth. Discomfort wrapped her body, just beneath the surface of her skin.

“I hope so,” Sam replied weakly. She turned to look into his wet eyes.

“Why?”

“They’re not… they’re still… intact. I want… I don’t… I want to…” Something inside of Sam gave into exhaustion, yet he kept standing. His face twisted and bent, like waves in a wild storm. Sophie caught him as his knees gave out, and gently sat him on the ground. It was as cold as she expected. A shiver traveled through her, but she ignored it for his sake.

“I can’t do this! These poor whales. Everything around us, it’s dying! But I wanna live, Sophie! I wanna be the exception!” she hugged him tight.

“I know Sam. I know.” He hugged her back. Even with the rolling breeze and the chilling sand, she was warm. For a moment, he wished they could stay like that, embracing each other until the end. Then there was no way she could disappear, and his goodbye would feel proper.

Sophie hugged him tighter as a tear slipped from her eye. She felt primitive and dumb. It was foolish to believe a hug could make any difference in what was happening. Yet the dread that stung her body was replaced with love. Lots and lots of love. Even if the two felt no different, she knew that this hug was healing. If only sea creatures could hug. Maybe their faces would have been more relaxed.

They sat there for a bit, facing away from the whales, hoping that dying beside friends was enough for them. That it would be enough in a few hours. Once they had grown tired of salt and decay, they walked back up the hill and returned to the car.

———

Sophie was cruising, taking every turn slow, and reclining on long straights. Next to her, Sam was humming something familiar.

“What song is that?” she asked. It was driving her crazy that she couldn’t place it.

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You’re singing it.”

“I’m humming it,” Sam replied.

“Shut up.” Sophie grabbed a pair of shades from under her seat and put them on. The stampede had broken up, giving way to small herds. As they emerged from the woods, she looked to her left, out at the broken-up coast and scattered swathes of green. The Pacific Northwest was one of the few places in America to remain largely unscathed by time. Modernity was not unknown, yet it retained a sort of charm—eerie husks of pine and the ever-present smell of the ocean. A lot of places were like that. California, New York, Texas. Neither war nor time could change the inherent traits that spurned desire in the first place.

“You ever seen Colony Rock?” Sophie asked.

“Neither of us have ever been here.”

“Yeah but like… I don’t know, I'm just talking,” Sophie muttered glumly, then tried the topic again. 

“I wanna go see it. I saw something about it in a travel magazine a couple towns over. It’s right off the coast, there’s a lighthouse and everything.” Sam tried to think of an alternative, but nothing came to mind.

“Alright, let's go see it.” Half an hour of silence passed before they reached the landmark. 

Newport was tiny. Like all the other towns they crossed, it stood deserted. Sophie tried to imagine where everyone could have gone, besides the obvious. Maybe they were with family in another state, or they were hiding in their homes, afraid of what the outside held. She smiled at the thought that there might be other people like her and Sam out there. Two losers in a car on their way to Indiana to die. The smile faded quickly. Indiana would be a terrible place to die. She hoped no one thought the same of Oregon. With disappointment, she returned to the original thought. It must be empty for a reason.

The cliff the lighthouse sat on was scenic, like something out of someone's favorite movie. The perfect place for the end of a detective caper, or a romantic sunrise. Sunset rather. 

Sophie parked at the base of the hill.

“This’ll be a good walk,” she told Sam, trying to bring him back from a fugue state. He was like this the whole way up, blanking out and coming back only to say a few words.

“Now is no time to be silent,” Sophie thought. She was trying to be sensitive. Trying harder than she usually might. But there was no understanding him. 

Maybe he had caught the scent first, or he noticed the tinge in his eye which ruined any hope of pleasant sightseeing. However, she assumed it was the obvious. That’s what bothered her most.

As they came upon the lighthouse, something new took precedence. At first, it looked like dark clouds, and against the dark water, it was indistinct. But as they reached the summit, there could be no further denial. It was smoke. The residue of a massive flame, the largest one the world would ever know. It was eating up an entire continent, and sending the faintest haze to Colony Rock.

The cloud rolled over the Pacific, traveling miles up and out. Suddenly, sightseeing mattered very little. They were fixed completely on the blaze, attention robbed like moths. Even though they could not see the fire, violent images of destruction and torment invaded their imagination and brought their hearts to a standstill. It was genuine hell on Earth and this was the sigh it breathed.

“All of Asia on fire,” Sam said aloud, trying to grasp the idea. The final news broadcasts spoke of pure mania. A billion souls melting, colossal waves of fire touching everything. Erasing everything. A rage to contrast their relative coastal calm. 

The two sat on the ground after a bit, breathing in charred vapors. Trying to forget that this was the scent of the dead.

After a while, Sophie looked at Sam.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Sam. Not today.” he turned to her. She was tearing up.

“No secrets. Tell me. What are you thinking about?” Sophie demanded, her voice strained. He took a breath in.

“I was just thinking maybe we’re lucky.” Sam moved closer to her. 

“I mean is it better to die in the fire, or watch it burn?” He looked down and thought for a minute. Then he turned and asked another question. 

“Would you rather be dead or here with me?”

Sophie wiped her eyes and looked out at the black waves harassing the land. She considered what death might feel like. She had seen so many people die in movies. Been to a handful of funerals. Dead people always looked peaceful. No thoughts, no obligation. Just rest. Quiet.

She looked at Sam’s sullen face and smiled as her head pounded.

“Ask me tomorrow.” His face scrunched with frustration.

“You said no lies,” he recalled, his voice shaking.

“I can’t give you an honest answer Sam. I can’t.” A tear traced her tender cheek. Sophie let out a weak wail.

“Oh god…”

“What? What is it?” Sam put a hand on her shoulder.

“I just… I just need to get a grip.” Sophie lay in the grass, her back bending to the curve of the hill.

“I thought I was over it. Thought I had tamed it.”

“Tamed what?” Sam asked.

“Death. The thought of it. The concept I guess. But that… we can’t escape it. It isn’t just the dying it’s, it’s the lack of a choice,” she chuckled to herself. 

“But we never did have a choice, did we?” Laughs broke through pitiful sobbing. She sat up, and Sam came in for a hug. She wondered what took him so long, but kept her wondering to herself.

Silently, she kept crying. Sam’s tongue itched. He wanted an answer to his question. A real answer. He needed one. But as much as he wanted to badger Sophie, her grief was more important.

Once the despair of the moment had been depleted, they gave up on Colony Rock. 

“Maybe we’ll stay away from the water,” she remarked. They walked back down the hill and returned to the car. Sophie in front, with Sam trailing just behind.

———

There was a deer just off the road, wandering its way out of the thicket. Its eyes held ignorance, yet its button nose signaled joy. Sam’s heart shattered like a vase.

“Poor thing has no idea what’s going on,” he thought. As he turned away, he looked at himself in the rearview. His face was rough as if beaten, though only dread had laid hands on him. His face was unshaven, and so pale he could trace a vein on his temple. He did so, feeling it pulse. Raw humanity, the truth of his physical existence. Sam looked back at the deer. Suddenly he longed to hold that same blank stare.

“You still think there could be a God out there?” Sam asked as he brought his attention back inside the car.

“Like a big guy floating in the sky?” 

“Yeah,” he affirmed.

‘“Nah. That's just always been a silly concept to me.” 

After a pause, Sophie continued, “Something had to have orchestrated this though. S’too perfect.”

“Perfect?” Sam echoed.

“Yeah. One harmonious disaster, and it all comes to a close on the perfect day. Someone out there has a sense of humor. Thank God,” Sophie explained. There was a little bit of chocolate on the steering wheel. She licked her thumb and tried to rub it off. Sam sat on her words and searched for the value in this irony. 

“Maybe it’d be okay if things were gonna be resolved,” he concluded, “If we got to leave with some answers, you know? The truth of things. But we… we have to die with… nothing.”

“Nobody dies hollow. We all leave the Earth with something. You just want too much,” Sophie told him.

“What about stillborn babies? Suicidal people? What did they take with them?” Sam sat up and looked at her, expecting silence. Pessimism gave him passion. All optimism was starting to feel like a lie, a joke being played at his expense, and he couldn’t take another moment of it.

“They had love, even if they never knew it. They had love and hope and affection. All the fuzzy things we build the world on, even if they get us nowhere. Wherever they are, they took it with them.” Sophie said this with the utmost confidence, yet found that an element of truth was missing. All the same, Sam subsided. The tears stung his eyes so harshly, that he found it hard to speak. He turned away again to the window and thought absently of the glove box.

———

The car found itself out of the woods with leisure. Above them, the sky was slipping into sunset. They drove past a wide field, the grass wet with dew. Out in the distance, trees still surrounded. Something on her left caught Sophie’s eye. She slowed the car down and sat in awe.

“Hey, look.” Sophie pointed out in the distance. Four silhouettes were moving over a hill, away from the setting sun. Their walk was deliberate and slow. They had to be people. Thoughtful. Breathing. Present. Unlike the rest of Oregan, who decided to take a collective hike.

“Should we…” Sam said, staring with childlike wonder. How nice it would be to see another face. To make one more connection, learn a final fact about the world. But all these beautiful hopes were shot down as quickly as they formed. 

“Tonight is gonna be hard enough,” Sophie said. She looked out at the four figures for a moment. Two of their heads jerked back, and she could imagine them laughing. Something in her chest surged and lurched. She wanted to jump out the window and crawl over there. Arrive at their feet bearing her entire past. Begging for love, pleading for more. There was a freshness to meeting a new person, like discovering a new scent or a good book. It was a magic that could not be replicated, only replaced by the dull. For a moment, Sam could have rotted before her eyes, and she would not have flinched. His face was becoming too familiar. His nose the same nose from every angle. His smile small and flat, holding no surprise. If she left, she could be happy. One last time, she could be truly happy.

“You gonna drive?” Sam asked. She looked back at him as the shadows cusped the hill.

“Yeah, I’m going to drive,” she said with bitter infliction as they pulled off.

“You know what, fuck it.” Sophie took her right thumb and put it in her mouth, gnawing at her nail like a squirrel trying to crack a nut.

“Finally broke the habit for nothing. My mom told me I couldn’t make good impressions with nubs. No one left to know now.” Sam cared nothing for her nails. He was still thinking about the glove box. As they pushed deeper into the state, the two drove off, decidedly together, into the final evening.

———

The sunset was miraculous. The sky glowed with every shade that could be perceived. Like a dying painter using their last breaths to create their opus. The sky was one sweeping rainbow, giving every hue its moment to shine. 

“It’s like a treat,” Sophie said as she looked up.

“Huh?” Sam sat up. He had been lying on the dashboard in an awkward position.

“It’s like a treat. For us. The last witnesses of this intangible beauty.” she thought back to her childhood bedroom. Her parents wanted her gender to be a surprise. Because of this, in the middle of a Home Depot, they realized they had no idea what to paint her nursery. So they bought a bunch of pastel shades and painted the walls every color that came to mind in messy, scattered splotches. They covered every base so that she’d be happy no matter what. As she tried to place every color that crossed the clouds, she thought of them. Overalls stained, laughing at themselves, in love. Sophie wished they had lived a little longer. Just to know that their baby girl loved every color. To know that someone else out there liked their idea.

With her eyes spilling tears onto upturned cheeks, she barely heard the glove box click open. As she turned back, she found Sam holding back sobs, trying pathetically to open a pill bottle.

“Sam no.” She reached over to take the bottle. He jerked away from her. She reached for it again, and he huddled against the door, toddler-like with every mannerism.

“Sam, I’m not letting you do this. Give me the bottle!” He shook his head.

“I can’t do this anymore! All these flickers of hope. I give up Sophie, I’m sorry. Every time we touch or smile I feel like everything is okay, like we can come out the other side of this okay. But we aren’t special! We’re gonna die in a few hours anyway. I’m ready to go now.”

“I’m not taking that shit, Sam! You said you would wait with me! I picked you out of everyone else in the world, and you promised we would die together! You promised! Give me the pills!” 

Sam ignored her and kept trying to open the bottle. As he took the cap off, Sophie slammed her foot on the gas, speeding down the empty road. The sky above them blurred, colors mixing and morphing like a gasoline spill. Sam was thrown back. The bottle slipped from his hand, and the pills fell to the floor. He gained control of himself and reached down for the bottle. Just as his fingers grazed a white oval, Sophie let off the gas and slammed the break. Sam’s head slammed against the dash with a concerning bang. He jerked back in pain, as the car came to a halt.

Sophie undid her seat belt and jumped out of the car. She walked around to the passenger side and threw the door open. Before he could say anything, she grabbed Sam by his shirt and threw him onto the pavement. He huddled into a pathetic trembling mess.

“Don’t say anything! Don’t! I have fucking had it with you. This is our last day on Earth, and I refuse to let you fucking ruin it! How would you feel if I shot myself? Huh! You’d feel shitty, right? If I blew my brains out, right in front of you, you’d feel fucking terrible!”

“But I’d understand!” Sam exclaimed, looking up at her like she was his god. “You don’t have to suffer for me. If you want to take them too, it’s okay.”

Sophie snatched the bottle from the car, collected all the spilled pills, and spread them on the ground. Her foot cast a shadow over them as her sole came down to crush. She stomped and smashed, grinding them into thin powder. Sam reached out and took a pinch of the dust. He stared at it, fingers shaking, then let it go. It wasn’t even worth inhaling.

“An overdose is messy,” Sophie told him, fixing her hair as she calmed down.

“There’s a chance it doesn’t even kill you. Just give it time. We’ll be gone.” She walked to the driver’s side and got back in the car. Sam sat there, pondering the dust for a bit. He looked up at the dazzling sky, trying to study its colors and make patterns out of the overwhelming blurs. In it, he saw no reason to keep going. Every patch was the color of torment, pain raining down in iridescent streaks. There was truly nothing left now.

No ambition, no dreams, no future, no joy. 

There was just her.

He looked at Sophie, who had leaned back in her seat while she waited for his episode to end. He couldn’t find a thing about her he didn’t like. Her cheeks were plump like they’d burst with compassion if cut. She was heavy-handed, even though her forearms were flabby, and she was so good at trivia games. Her hair glowed brown in the sun. Her eyes were bright at night. A thought popped into his head, a simple “I love her” which quickly came under scrutiny. As if love were a poisonous bush, to be avoided at all costs, that he had accidentally run into.

This new revelation was enough to get him off the ground. Sam stood up and got back in the car. With a sigh, Sophie kept driving.

———

The rainbow was overtaken by dusk, like color seeping from something decayed. Sophie relished her last drive. She cherished the feeling of speed and thanked the car for its dutiful work of delivering them to their grave. Not once had it broken down, made odd noises, or refused to move, much unlike the two of them. She parked it in a field once they had driven far out into the sticks. Before getting out, Sophie put two fingers to her lips and placed a kiss on the steering wheel. 

The woods were thin. The trees cast slivers of darkness as squirrels danced and crickets sang. Something overhead moved, and Sam turned to see it fly. He wondered what the birds thought, watching the two of them wander Oregon. Did they look stupid arguing in the wake of oblivion? Or was it poetic? Two friends loving each other, despite the reaper looming over the horizon? Sophie came around the car and stood with expectation.

“Is this love?” he asked himself. Then to Sophie, he turned and asked the same.

“Is what love?”

“This. Today. Do you love me? Did we love each other?” he asked. She leaned against the car and thought for a minute.

“What kind of answer are you looking for?”

“Something definitive. Something honest. So I can die knowing what this was. How to feel,” Sam explained as he fidgeted with his hands.

“Why does it need a label?” Sophie asked, “I’m happy. I’m happy like this. We made it.”

“I want an answer. I want a label,” he demanded.

“You want validation. You need something concrete or else you don’t know how to feel. This day is whatever you’ve made of it Sam,” she told him.

“No, it is not. Because if I’ve spent my last day with someone who hates me I’m going to drown myself. If I’ve spent it with someone who just… wanted a bit of comfort, then I will die hollow. But if I spent it with someone who loves me.” Sam took a step toward her and stuck out his hands, “Then I can die with a bit of dignity. With some joy.”

Sophie looked at his aching face and felt pity knock on her heart.

“Well if it's that important.” she started then took a deep breath.

“When we packed the car and hit the road, I was determined to die with you. You’re not my best friend or my oldest, but you’re the most recent, and the only one I have left. This isn’t how I wanted to die, not at all. But you play the hand you’re dealt. We chose Oregon though, like we chose each other. And it's been beautiful, just like we’re beautiful. If I have to go, if it has to be today and now then I’m glad to do it with… someone I love.”

Sam nodded his head. 

“Thank you, Sophie. Thank you.”

“Naturally, you love me too?” she asked with a sardonic smile.

“More than I have the time to explain,” he said, without a measure of hesitation.

“Okay. Good. Let's go then.” With one resolution met, Sam gave the car a small wave goodbye and went forward with Sophie into the forest.

———

Gently, night fell. The forest was full of thick bushes. An electric candle cut the darkness with care. Sam and Sophie crept, so as to not disturb the bears and owls. Not even the bugs beneath them. But there were no birds and beasts. No ants, no beetles. Not a happy camper or a tree hugger. Just them.

“Where should it happen?” Sophie asked. They kept going forward, unsure where would be an adequate place to disappear. As they passed a clump of flowers, Sam laid eyes on the last bit of perfection to grace Earth.

A fallen tree lay in a small clearing. Sprinkled across the ground were bluebells and daisies, still full of life. Fireflies floated in the air, brimming with the softest yellow light, and a single slit of moonlight lit up the sleeping bark.

“Yeah… this’ll do,” Sophie said. She took two deep breaths, then stepped into the sanctuary. Sam cut the light and took a minute to watch her become one with the beautiful scene. Then, he joined her.
They took their seats on the tree in silence, then turned to one another, doing what came to them as correct.

“Oh, what a sweet face,” Sophie whispered as she reached out and took Sam in her hands. Like clouds framing the sun, she bound him in all his kindness. He looked broken and tired. The sight of him was still familiar. But if the alternative was to be alone on this tree, then she considered herself lucky.

“From the day I met you, I knew you would be nothing if not kind. I’m glad that I had such strong intuition.”

“What are you doing?” Sam asked, the warmth of her words working through him like medicine.

“Giving you my final regards.” Sophie looked down at her watch. The act of moving her eyes made her heart split.

“Five minutes to midnight. This is it. Our blessed goodbye. Time to make every syllable count.”

“Well… okay…” Sam started. On his face, a smile grew. 

“I don’t think I ever said this, but uh, if this is it, I’m glad you were my roommate. You helped me move boxes and lent me the last of your tape for my posters. You were… you were real sweet Sophie.”

He continued. “There was a time, a few weeks, where I think I could have fallen in love with you. Your brown hair and strong eyes. Everything you did smelled like cinnamon, and we have… had… the exact same music taste. You never did anything wrong, I just got it in my head that we’re better as friends. I like to think I was right.”

Sophie slid across the bark and took his hand.

“I can’t say the same. I’m sorry. But I did love you. Living with you, sharing food and sound and a routine, it felt good. It felt natural. Sharing a space and giving hugs aren’t things I usually enjoy. But you made life colorful. And you’ve given death its own tint too. I don’t know what any of this means, but deep down I’m grateful that whatever I am and whatever you are intersected. Even if it was so, so brief.”

Her chest moved up and down, lifted over and over again by anticipation. But all she truly cared about were his eyes. Him watching her, her watching him. Seconds crawled on, not caring to warn them that death was around the corner. Or maybe it knew better than to ruin what was happening.

“I’m not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado,” Sam whispered, and Sophie smiled the hardest she ever had. Another embrace, but not another word. Finally caught by exhaustion, they took their final sleep upright, in each other's arms, one barely holding up the other.

They never made it to midnight. Trees moved in the strong breeze. Their snores were drowned out completely. The clouds overhead grew thicker every minute, doom collecting itself for one final hurrah. Stars vanished from sight, a final extinguishing before the hour came. The moon crossed the sky with a corpse's beauty, forever still and haunting. Sophie and Sam never made it past midnight.